Sephiroth the Pot Pusher
by griffer00
Summary: What happens when ol' Sephy gets addicted to weed?


A long while before Sephiroth or Cloud were bitter enemies, they were quite good friends. Being in the army togehter brought them a lot of experiences which they shared. Like the time they shared the hooker from Corel, or the time they played a trick on one of their co-soldiers by replacing his bullets with painballs. Unfortunately, that soldier died as a result of the joke; paint tends to catch fire when heated, and when he tried to shoot it off it exploded all over him. It was good for a laugh at the time. Probably the most notable experience they shared was the time Sephiroth got his hands on some hash.  
  
Seph has got the hook up from a man named Barret, a local pimp/drug pusher who needed to make a lot of money to support his heroin habit. Barret pressured Seph into buying some off him, and Seph reluctantly agreed. The day after, him and Cloud were on watch duty on a mission into a Mako reactor. Seph pulled the green from his pocket and sniffed it. Cloud looked shocked.  
  
"Se.. Sephiroth! Y.. you have drugs! That's horrible, I never imagined you to.."  
"Save your breath," murmered Seph as he rolled a fat joint on the nearby truck. When it was done, he licked it and took a sniff.  
"Mmmm.." he said, "Barret hooked me up FAT!" Cloud just stared in shock as Seph began puffing away. After a while, the smoke started drifting in Cloud's direction.   
"Yuck!" he said, "Get that shit smelling smoke away from me!" Seph started laughing. "You wouldn't say that if you were trying some.." he beckoned,"So if you wanna hit this shit get over here before it burns all up!"  
  
Cloud had always looked up to Seph. He even joined Soldier to be like him. If Seph smoked pot, then it couldn't be THAT bad, Cloud reasoned. Hesitantly, he strolled over. Seph started laughing.  
"Haha man, I knew you were a cheifer!" he said as he passed Cloud the joint. Cloud huffed it in, inhaling as he did when he had tried cigarettes when he was 16. He immediately coughed it all out. Seph bursted into laughing.  
"Ahhaa!! Ha haah ahha!!! Oh my God, that was the funniest thing ever!! HAhahaha!!!!!..... what the.... why am I laughing? I'm retarded!!" This put them both into reels of laughter. Cloud found himself becoming lightheaded and slugish, and he was laughing at something he normally would have dismissed as foolishness.  
  
They continued smoking up the joint all the way down to the roach. Seph tried to roll another one, but it spilled all over this pants. He was too fucked to even do menial tasks. So with this, they went into the nearby truck to find some food.  
"Oh... fuck!!" Seph exclaimed, "They have some damn good shit in here!" His eyes lit up as he searched over the food supplies. Candy bars, cookies, chips... it was munchy heaven! They grabbed like mad at all foods, and carried out as much as they could. They sat under the shade of a nearby trree and ate with ther mouths wide open, unaware of the mess they were making all over themselves.  
  
Cloud and Seph stared at each other, and broke into laughter.   
"Oh my god you look so funny!" yelled Cloud. Seph almost choked he was in such laughter. "You idiot! Oh shit this is fucked! What the fuck did he put in this weed?" he questioned. He didn't care though, he was blasted out of his mind... on only one joint!  
"Fuck!" exclaimed Seph,"Barret must have sold me his chronic instead!"   
"What's chronic?" asked Cloud, curiously. Seph laughed.  
"It's the best weed you can get! It gets you high in one hit! And we had over 10 hits for real! He must've sold us it on accdient! He will be so pissed whne he finds out!"   
  
Just then, Cloud jerked.   
"Did you hear that???" he said in a paranoid tone.  
"YES WHAT WAS THAT??" Seph yelled. They thought the troop was coming back already from the investigation. They thought they heard footsteps, but what they really heard was their feet rubbing the ground from where they were sitting. When they realized this, they felt so stupid and couldn't stop laughing.  
  
Cloud was letting the krunk get to him. He was drooping and tired and about to doze off. Seph made him get up and they ran laps around the truck until they could barely breathe. Just then, a moster attacked them! Seph tried to strike the beast with his sword, but missed and got really pissed off. Cloud was cracking up at how mad Seph was, and Seph was so mad he took the sword and stuck it through the monster's head. The moster died, and they both stood in horror.  
  
"Shit!" said Seph, "What if other monsters find him? They'll be pissed! They'll come after us! Fuckin run cloud, run!" The two took off running, as far as they could get away. They found a thicket and hid in it for some time. While they hid in it, they had forgotton all about the moster, and were talking about girls they thought were hot.  
  
"Ohhh," Cloud sighed, "how I would fuck the hell out of Tifa. She's so hot.. damn I wish she was right here. I would fuck her until she almost died."  
"I hear ya", agreed Seph. "I wish i had myself a honey right now too." Just then, they realized they were supposed to be on guard! The commander would be really pissed at them! So they ran back to their post, only to find all the soldiers dead from a heard of monsters attacking.  
  
"Damn we're fucked!" yelled Cloud. Neither seemed to care though, they both sat down and just fell asleep. When they woke up, they were reassigned to visit Nibelheim. Being the only survivors, everyone thought they were heroes. It was really just dumb luck. The End. 


End file.
